Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor?

Because he had no arms or legs. Why Because he is a potato.

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Right where ya left him.

Snowman Jokes More Snowman Jokes

Why couldn't anyone trust the snowman to do anything?

He was kinda flakey

What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires?

You would get severe frostbite.

Ho Ho Ho Jokes More Ho Ho Ho Jokes

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'?

They are both santa clauses.

Why does santa say ho ho ho?

Because three hos are better than one!

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What do you get if you share your Earbuds with all your friends?

Hearing AIDS.

Why did the Kenyans win the marathon?

They heard there was water at the end

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne ?

Sat down !

What do Greek teenagers say?

Omega!! Note: surely it already exists but I thought of it independently and am proud of my terrible joke!

Shake Jokes More Shake Jokes

What happens when the man shakes?

The windows milk shake!

Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to for this one.

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?

None attended the University of Miami.

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit