What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

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Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

When do the leaves begin to turn?

The night before a test.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Who takes the best selfies in LA?

I need someone good to do mine.

What personal question is not obvious yet nobody has ever needed to ask anyone?

Are you vegan?

Heart Jokes More Heart Jokes

What happened when a heart robs a bank?

It gets put under cardiac arrest.

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

Deck Jokes More Deck Jokes

What's Irish and sits on a deck?

Patty O'Furniture

What's Irish and stays out on your deck?

Paddy O'furniture

Card Jokes More Card Jokes

How can you get four suits for under $2.00?

Buy a deck of cards.

Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?

Because the captain stood on the deck.

Spade Jokes More Spade Jokes

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.

Which playing card can turn its hand to everything?

Jack of all Spades

Marriage Jokes More Marriage Jokes

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

Diamond Jokes More Diamond Jokes

Why was the diamond depressed?

He had been under a lot of pressure lately.

Why do we say dogs are man's best friend? Why not say dogs are man's and woman's best friend?

Because diamonds are a woman's best friend.