Hertz Jokes

What did the monitor say when it got punched?

Ouch, that Hertz!"

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What did the Computer Processor say when it was overclocked?

It Hertz.

What is the problem with high frequency?

It Hertz

How does Avis feel to be #2?

It Hertz

What happens when you get hit by a rental car?

It Hertz.

How do you measure love?

In hertz!

What does an electric engineer say when they get kicked in the balls?

Owch! it hertz

What's the only painful car rental company?

Hertz.

What distance say when velocity fell on top of him?

Ow, this really hertz.

How do you measure pain?

In Hertz.

How does it feel to crash a rental car?

It Hertz.

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Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

What did the football say to the football player?

A: I get a kick out of you.

Why do you fight using only your feet?

Oh, y'know. For kicks.

Rental Car Jokes More Rental Car Jokes

What's the difference between a jeep and a rental car?

A rental car can go anywhere

What's the fastest car on earth?

A rental car.

Pain Jokes More Pain Jokes

How do computers measure pain?

Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck. (it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What do Reptiles love to smoke?

Mariguana

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

Whats the problem with running through a field of dead babies?

Your erection....

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Mother Nature trip the last day of summer?

To make it Fall.

Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own?

It was two-tired. *Slaps knee* *Prosthetic leg falls off*

Monitor Jokes More Monitor Jokes

Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?

I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids.

Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?

I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

What do you call the feeling of being unable to urinate beside a friend?

PEEr pressure!