Monitor Jokes

What did the monitor say when it got punched?

Ouch, that Hertz!"

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?

I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids.

Why didn't the NSA request AT&ampT's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?

It's a shifty business.

When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?

The power is on and you're connected to the internet.

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Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What did the mouth say to the nose?

Nothing; mouths can't ta... oh, wait...

How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call?

This IRS guy sounded pretty into me

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Woman?

You have to drop the bomb twice.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

How many kids does a sterile German have?

Nein.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time is it in Brazil?

Oh, it's 7 past Cesar

How can you tell when it's time to go to bed at Michael Jacksons house?

When the big hand touches the little hand

Ouch Jokes More Ouch Jokes

What did the baby otter say when it walked into the club?

Ouch

What did the T-Rex say when he stubbed his toe?

Ouch. I'm Dino-sore!"

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

What do you need 4 dollars for?

3's enough. Here's 2." and gives him 1.

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

At&Ampt Jokes More At&Ampt Jokes

Why didn't the NSA request AT&ampT's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants