November Jokes

Why was Wycleff Jean on L&O this week?

He only promised to be gone until November

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Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

How is the American public now like Socrates?

By November, they will have both picked their poison.

Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.

How is November's election like the Alien vs Predator movie?

Whoever wins...we lose.

How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

November.

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Read Jokes More Read Jokes

When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?

I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips!

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year

Predator Jokes More Predator Jokes

What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a fight between a child molester and an illegal immigrant?

Alien versus Predator.

Socrate Jokes More Socrate Jokes

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

What gym did Socrates go to?

The Y.

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many feminists?

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb Trick question, they can't change anything.

How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.

February 2nd March 2nd Jokes More February 2nd March 2nd Jokes

How many seconds are in a year?

12. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd.... etc

How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How Many Friend Zoned Men Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

None, they just all stand around complaining that it won't screw!

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.