Provide Jokes

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

When asked to provide proof that he had cirrhosis, what did OP do?

OP de-livered.

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

Why do arabs use Colgate before going to the airport?

because it provides cavity protection

Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes?

A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro

How many calls do I get?

cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

How about a game?

You provide a random set up and we provide the punchline (PTP ). Most upvoted wins imaginary internet points.

What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

Who currently provides your Internet?

he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."

How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter, mine itches so bad it's on fire, providing plenty of light for everyone in the room!

You might also enjoy:

Offer Jokes More Offer Jokes

Why did you offer me a piece of candy?

Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.

What do you call a cross between... a Mafia Don and post-modernism?

An offer you can't understand.

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What do you get when you mix T and C?

Angry British people!

What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white?

Greh.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When Does This White Privilege Thing Kick In?

Do I have to ask them to resend the authentication email, update my address or do I have to go to my local white privilege depot to request the trial edition of white privilege before I get the real thing?

When people say "May I ask who's calling?

I like to say "Sure, go ahead."

Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

Why are blondes bad a judging distance?

They have no idea what 12 inches actually looks like. I for some reason could not find a way to phrase this any better. Credit to my coworker.

Why are atoms untrustworthy?

They make up everything. Credit to from an askreddit thread about what not to trust.

Arab Jokes More Arab Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has many cows?

milk sheikh

How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews

Tourette Jokes More Tourette Jokes

What do you call a T-Rex with tourettes?

I'm sorry.

What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes?

A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What do you call a Russian cat that's been to space?

A cos-meow-naut.

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?

Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years? Michael Jackson