Secret Service Jokes

How do you tell the difference between Al Gore and the secret service when they're in the same room?

Al Gore's the stiff one.

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What is the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man is shot?

The Secret Service

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

Why do you want to join the Secret Service?

Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."

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Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

Why did Hillary cross the road?

What difference, at this point, does it make?

Why did Hillary go to the gynecologist?

She was feelin' the Bern!

Secret Jokes More Secret Jokes

How does a deaf and dumb tell a secret to another one?

He wears mittens.

What's the secret to a long life?

I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

Private School Jokes More Private School Jokes

What do you call the Skunk who wears khaki's and goes to private school?

Preppy le Pew

Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Why did the hotel refuse hospitality to the Navy?

They didn't want their rooms covered with seamen.

Chelsea Jokes More Chelsea Jokes

Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?

A: Heredity.

What do you get when 42 goes into 45?

Chelsea.

Shot Jokes More Shot Jokes

Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?

He wasn't very good at taking shots.

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him?

Donald, Duck!

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?

He died in his teepee

What happened when the carrot died?

There was a huge turnip at the funeral.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How badly?

ME: I want you checking thesaurus in a panic haphazardly

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.