Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?

She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.

What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

End Jokes More End Jokes

How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.

What word that begins with "N" and ends with "R" do you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What does aerosmith say when someone asks them for directions?

Walk this way

How can a cat walk with no feet?

He can't, it's impawsible.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many FIFA officials does it take to change a light bulb?

None**. They operate in the **dark**.

How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

What is up with 1, 3, 5, 7, 9?

I can't even...

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City?

To see who shot his "paw."

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why are football players never asked for dinner?

Because they're always dribbling!

What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card?

Naboo