Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Coffee Mug

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

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Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do you call an engineer who looks at other people's shoes when walking?

Extroverted

Why can't the bishop walk straight?

Cause he can only move diagonally

Biologist Jokes More Biologist Jokes

What did you think of the chapter on frogs?

Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Environmental Impact Statement Jokes More Environmental Impact Statement Jokes

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

Sql Jokes More Sql Jokes

How does a SQL expert get a date?

getDate() (I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out

They couldn't find a table.

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

When do rabbits have buck teeth?

When their parents won't get them braces.

What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

Their parents.

Table Jokes More Table Jokes

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.