What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What did the doctor say to the prosecutor?

You're trying my patients!

What was the first treacherous thing said?

Adam you gotta try this!

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague?

A: He was looking for a Czech mate.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

How would you describe your past work?

Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar -Change management.

What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?

Sir.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They just hold the bulb in place and the world revolves around them.

Why did the hipster cross the road?

To get to a place you've probably never heard of.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What do a woman and a bar have in common?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

Why couldn't the chord get into the bar?

She was A minor.

Physicist Jokes More Physicist Jokes

Why couldn't the physicist get the Standard Model to work?

Because it wouldn't commute!

What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge?

Don't do it! You have potential!

Lady Jokes More Lady Jokes

Who seduces all the ladies at the swimming pool?

Don Juan de Marco Polo.

Why are the ladies thirsty so thirsty for my love?

It's Minute Made

Conduct Jokes More Conduct Jokes

How do u know if a company that just hired you conducts drug tests?

What is the likelihood it will be a hairtest

How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.