Lincoln Jokes

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Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

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Who was the only president that was not guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

Who was the least guilty President of the them all?

Lincoln. He was in-a-cent.

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

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What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

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Why did the peasant have poor judgement?

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What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

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Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.

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Because they're jahbless!

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Why do bears have hairy coats?

Fur protection.

What do you call a foreign born communist running for President?

Ted Cruz

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Why do bees hum?

Because they can't remember the lyrics

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

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What would you say about someone who li kes to tell cancer jokes?

That he has a sense of tumor (Courtesy of twitter.com/sorryforthelolz)

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery bag?

You take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way. One of my all time faves. If you say it out loud it will make sense :D

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What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays."