Table Jokes

Why didn't the table want to be sat on?

He wasn't a charitable guy

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What did the Olive say when it fell off the table?

I'll live...

Why do midgets make bad parents?

Cause they struggle to put food on the table

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants? Ferniture.

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

What's the difference between an arts student and a table?

A table can support itself

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

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Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

giANT!!

What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

How's your meal?

i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

What shape is your table?

A: Um, round But that's not really... R: Got it

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Why Mark?

I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ?

Amanda the table!

What is small, crying and cannot get under the table?

A child with pitchfork in his back

A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

'Can I join you?'

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out

They couldn't find a table.

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Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

Why did Sarah fall out of the tree?

Because she had no arms. Knock-knock! "Who's there " Not Sarah.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

Why did the policeman stay in bed today?

he was undercover *!*

Why are school shooters more likely to be white people?

White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

Which family in Game Of Thrones fell down the stairs?

The Bannisters

Support Jokes More Support Jokes

Why don't Muslims support Harambe?

Because it would

What do you call someone who supports Hillary?

Paid off.

Swear Jokes More Swear Jokes

Why did the nun swear when she got her new outfit?

It was a bad habit.

What does FTFY even mean?

I swear to god people abuse acronyms so much.

Art Student Jokes More Art Student Jokes

What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby?

The dead baby can feed a family of four.

What do you say to an art student with a job?

Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup?

Brazilians!

How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date?

Premature emasculation.

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

How do you spell no?

Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound 4: Batman (Spelling is hard)

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter