Conspiracy Theorist Jokes

What do capitalists and conspiracy theorists have in common?

They are both controlled by little green men.

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How do conspiracy theorists like their lovers?

Illumi-naughty

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple."

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

What's the difference between a skeptic and a conspiracy theorist?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?

In a skeptic tank. (Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious feel free to suggest a better wording!)

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

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Occam Jokes More Occam Jokes

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

Why didn't you check your speedometer?

Driver: It broke when I hit 100.

How accurate is the Bible?

100% at short range

Illumi Jokes More Illumi Jokes

How do conspiracy theorists like their lovers?

Illumi-naughty

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Occam Razor Jokes More Occam Razor Jokes

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How do they tie things down on the space station?

They use astro knots.

What version of windows does Jesus use?

XP Edit: Explanation(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChiRho)

Note Jokes More Note Jokes

What do you call a bee that has been run over by a car?

Bee flat Music joke for those who don't understand. B flat is a note.

Why are you so happy?

Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"

Lover Jokes More Lover Jokes

What did the potato say to his lover?

You have amazing eyes.

What is the magic word?

son: Natasha Dad: who is Natasha son: your lover Dad: do you need also a case

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

What do you think of wearing a straight jacket?

I think I could pull it off