Ill Jokes

What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

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Which Norse God consistently uses VPNs?

Ill give you a hint, he remains very low-key.

What do you call a pirate's helicopter?

An Eye-patchy helicopter! . Ill show myself out.

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

Why can't you run in camp sites?

Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray... (Ill see myself out)

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Sick Bird Jokes More Sick Bird Jokes

What is the difference... What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.

Cure Jokes More Cure Jokes

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

One you use tweetment and the other, oinkment

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

They got stoned

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?

For smoking in bed.

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

How many points do you get if you hit a golfer?

Fore.

Why does nobody talk to circles?

Because there is no point!

Performer Jokes More Performer Jokes

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)

What happened to the performer who read poetry to terminally ill patients?

He suffered an elegiac reaction.

Ex Jokes More Ex Jokes

What happened when the pig ran into his ex?

there was a porkward silence

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger do after he retired?

He became an ex-terminator!

Myshelf Jokes More Myshelf Jokes

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

What kind of pizza would the twin towers order?

Two plains.