Cure Jokes

Why doesn't cancer let anyone in a music store?

It doesn't want anyone to find The Cure.

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How do you cure a headache?

A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!

How do you cure depression?

A gun.

What did the apathetic philosopher doctor say?

Who cures?

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!"

What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured?

Icee."

What did the cannibal Doctor do with his patients?

He cured them.

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

What's the one thing make a wish foundation can't give you?

The cure

What makes a salami excited?

When the ham is cured!

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How do mathematicians cure constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

How do you cure the hiccups?

Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .

What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

we're walking four abreast."

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

How did the monster cure his sore throat?

He spent all day gargoyling.

Why aren't PhDs real doctors?

Because real doctors have cures.

How to cure affluenza?

Introduce him to Warhammer.

What do you call an egg that cures cancer?

A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

How does a mathematician cure constipation?

How does a mathematician cure her constipation She works it out with a pencil.

How did the Mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

One you use tweetment and the other, oinkment

What's the cure for world hunger?

Food

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?

A: She sneezes.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?

It's rear end!

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?

One. It's a trick question.

What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding?

Speed is relative, officer."

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

What's the difference between tumblr and a gun?

The gun has only one trigger

What happens when a feminist shoots a gun?

The gun gets triggered.

Salami Jokes More Salami Jokes

What makes a salami excited?

When the ham is cured!

Where did the salami go on holiday?

Costa Deli-Sol

Excite Jokes More Excite Jokes

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown?

He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don't get it.)

How do you excite an idiot?

I'll tell you later.

Funeral Jokes More Funeral Jokes

What hat does a Mexican wear to a funeral?

A somber-ero.

When should funerals occur?

Mourning

Dunk Jokes More Dunk Jokes

How do you cure the hiccups?

Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish