James Bond Jokes

What would happen if James Bond took Viagra?

He would continue to be a state-sponsored terrorist whose actions disgrace us all.

This joke may have profanity.

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Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

Why did James Bond higher a man with Parkinson's to be his butler?

He likes his drinks shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond like Michael J Fox?

Because he always gets his martini shaken, not stirred.

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?

Shaven, not furred

Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?

Bubble-0-7

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

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How does James Bond type e-mails?

With his goldfinger.

What type of car does James Bond drive?

00-Sedan

What is James Bond's favourite drug?

Viagra, so he can Roger Moore.

This joke may have profanity.

How does James Bond sleep?

Around.

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Why does Tiger have to take so many baths?

Because he plays with Pooh all day.

How would you describe Al Gore playing the drums?

Algorithm.

Whey Jokes More Whey Jokes

What did the body builder say when he ran out of protein powder mix?

No whey.

What did the athletic trainer say to the body builder who was allergic to protein powder?

No whey."

Stir Jokes More Stir Jokes

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

Why are hula dancers so pretentious?

Because their hips stir.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What's one thing today that women are better at than men compared to the 1800's?

Gold digging

What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear?

A barracuchi.

Martini Jokes More Martini Jokes

What do a baby and a martini have in common?

I prefer both of them shaken

What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it?

It hurts, but olive.

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's?

Beef jerky

What's worse: Alzheimer or Parkinson?

Alzheimer. I'd rather drink my beer shaking than forget to to drink it.

James Jokes More James Jokes

What do you call a posh Gym?

James

What do you call a monkey named James that's afraid of everything?

Jim-pansy

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Where do you go when you need a sperm donation?

Sasha Grey's mouth

What do Roseanne Barr and a battleship have in common?

A: They both need three tugs to get into their slips.