Pond Jokes

How does a duck swim from one side of the pond to the other?

Very Quackly

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What's yellow and lies in a pond?

Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in english. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.

What are you doing here?

I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?

A: Wet feet.

How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

What do you get if you cross a pond with snowshoes?

Wet.

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James Pond Jokes More James Pond Jokes

What do you call a wet spy?

James Pond ( )

Who was the first underwater spy?

James Pond.

Perfect Pitch Jokes More Perfect Pitch Jokes

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

What do lawyers do after they die?

They lie still.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What are some good fruit jokes?

My friend is doing a video project for school and needs fruit jokes.

What did pancake Chip say to his friend pancake Berry when Berry was sad?

Don't feel blue, Berry, things will get batter"

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

Why did the protester cross the road?

To get to the Occupy! EDIT: To get to the other side/Occupy?

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do neurologists think they're God?

Because they can turn any animal into a vegetable!

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Circus Jokes More Circus Jokes

What's the difference between A circus and a brothel?

One has a cunning array of stunts..

What is another difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

My husband doesn't go to the circus

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What did the Canadian eel say when the bartender asked him if he'd had enough?

No, I think I'd like some more-ay.

What did the Canadian Reddit user say?

Ehhhhh lmao