Spy Jokes

What's Richard Nixon's favorite game?

I spy.

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What's the NSA's favourite game?

I spy.

What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

James Bonding bah dun tss

Why did the spy stay in bed?

To stay under cover

Who is both a knight and a spy?

Sir Veillance

Why did the spy cross the road?

Because he never really was on your side.

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

How do spies send secret messages in a forest?

A: By moss code.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

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What do the Chinese call their spies?

Secret Asians.

Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

Why did the spy cross the border?

Because he never really was on your side.

What do you call it when a book spies on people?

A: A peeping tome.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A: A counter spy.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

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Where does Ben Carson spend most of his time on Reddit?

r/explainlikeimfive

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?

Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway.

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What does a french truck driver shout during Bastille Day?

Have a NICE day!

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

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What do Filipinos call Canada?

Upper U.S.

What do you call a German living in Canada?

A leder hoser.

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What's Richard Nixon's favorite game?

I spy.

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

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What do blind people drive?

A cataract.

What did little Suzy spy with her little eye?

A cataract.

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What do Badgers and Gynecologists have in common?

they both like to root around in your cellar

Who's there ! Crispin ! Crispin who ?

Crispin crunchy is how I like my apples !

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What does Kevin 11 have that Peter Parker doesn't?

A living Ben and Gwen.

Why did Peter Parker get fired?

He spent all day on the web.

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Why did the Russians lose the space race?

Their rocket kept Stalin!

Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school?

He was Russian.