Swedish Jokes

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish

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What nationality is not quite one?

Swedish

What did the failed Swedish chef say?

All that hard Bork and nothing to show for it .

What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

What hood was the Swedish cholo from?

StockHOLMES!

Where does a race on the Swedish border end at?

The Finnish line.

What do Swedish people put in their coffee?

Artifical Swedeners

How do you sink a Swedish submarine?

Knock on the hatch.

What do you call a scar left by the Swedish Chef?

A borkmark.

Why do Swedish men always have stupid grins on their faces?

Because they're stupid" said her friend.

How do you catch a Swedish fish?

With a gummy worm as bait

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Who's a good example of a Swedish Spaniard?

Per Ejemplo.

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming?

Pork! Pork! Pork!

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Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Why are there scratches all over your face?

Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu "It's my cat's best move"

What do jesus and girls have in common?

The expression on their faces when they got nailed.

Knock Jokes More Knock Jokes

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

A: The knocking always speeds up.

Who knocks on doors at three in the morning?

It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Swedish Chef Jokes More Swedish Chef Jokes

What do you call a scar left by the Swedish Chef?

A borkmark.

What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?

Disney movies can still touch children.

Phish Jokes More Phish Jokes

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish

What is a computer scammer's favorite band?

PHISH

Morgue Jokes More Morgue Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

Where does a North Korean go after he upvotes a thread on Reddit?

To the morgue.

Finnish Line Jokes More Finnish Line Jokes

How do you win a Scandinavian race?

By crossing the Finnish line!

What do you call a group of people standing in the arctic circle?

A Finnish line.

Hatch Jokes More Hatch Jokes

How do you sink a Swedish submarine?

Knock on the hatch.

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)