Catch Jokes

What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch?

There is no cod

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you call a drug factory that catches fire?

A pot roast

Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin. They hatin. Patrollin and tryna catch me ridin dirty.

What is faster hot or cold?

Hot because you can actually "catch a cold".

What does Pokemon Go and a policeman have in common?

You gotta catch Jamal

How do you catch a unique bunny?

Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame bunny? The tame way.

How do you catch digital fish?

With clickbait, of course!

Why was the communist arrested?

He was caught red handed.

How do you catch a terminator?

With a skynet

How did the bad Canadian fisherman describe his only catch of the day?

Aboot this big"

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What do you call a Pikachu caught in Brazil?

A Zikachu

Why did King Kong go to the airport?

He had a plane to catch.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

Why did the Jonestown jokes never catch on?

The punchlines were too long.

What's the difference between STD's and Pokemon?

I still haven't caught any Pokemon.

Why don't Pokemon cards ever have any typos?

Because the editors know that they gotta catch 'em all!

How many Pokmon does it take to change a light bulb?

Not sure, gotta catch them all first!

What do they say when batman catches a cold?

He's ben affleckted.

What has 18 legs and catches flies?

A: A baseball team

What do you call two Mormons caught in the rain?

Washing your whites on a rinsed cycle.

How do you catch a unique rabbit ?

you neek up on it.

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

What's the difference between a women's doctor and a kick returner?

The returner can catch a punt...

Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks! im

What do you say when trying to catch the elevator?

Hodor! Hodor!"

What do you call the High Sparrow who is caught molesting kids?

The Deviated Septon.

Why did the Chemistry Teacher go to Jail?

He got caught giving alcohol to minors.

Where do Robots go for fun?

The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)

What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire?

Baked beans

What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

Sham rock.

What bait do you use to catch a space fish?

A worm hole

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What did the fisher say to the fishkin?

Catch you later

What do Baptists and cats have in common?

You know they're doing it, you just can't catch them at it.

What was the name of the operation to catch Juaquin Guzman?

El trapo.

What do Bill Cosby and the Little Dutch Boy have in common?

Both were caught with their finger in the dyke.

Why didn't Ronald McDonald like to go fishing?

Because every time he did, he'd catch a whopper.

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

Why was the chef fired?

He was caught stroganoff

What's something that you can catch but not throw?

feelings. T.T

What do you tell an Irishman if you catch him urinating?

European.

How do you catch a runaway laptop?

With an Internet.

Why didn't the panda use a glove when playing baseball?

Because he caught everything bear handed!

What was the name of the meth cook who got caught stealing baked beans?

Heinzenburg

What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?

ANKH ANKH!!

What did the kid say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while trying to catch him?

Nana boo boo

Why do blondes wear their hair up?

To catch everything that goes over their heads.

What did the tailor tell the thieving nun when he caught her red-handed?

You better not make a habit out of this.

What happened to the tree after it caught fire?

It became entally handicapped

Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?

Because other people took the bait.

What did Jesus' disciples say when he caught all those fishes?

HOLY MACKAREL!

How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.

What do you call a seagull that catches you sleeping?

A baegull.

What do you call a bread that catches a cold?

Flu-catcher bread

What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!

What did the Asian guy say when he was caught sleeping with another man's wife?

Me love you wrong time.

Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts? He was caught playing with his broomstick.

What do you call and autistic child caught in a house fire?

A baked potato

Why was the pianist arrested?

He was caught playing in A minor.

What does a fisherman say when he catches a fish?

His catch-phrase. Short n' Sweet, hope you like it!

Why did the thalidomide man get stopped going through customs?

He was caught in the possession of small arms

What's the smallest thing in the universe?

A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball.

What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

To catch a predator. Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5? Because they can't even! Why do white people have so many pets? Because owning people is not legal anymore Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) They seem to be really rare.

Why aren't Mexicans ever indecisive?

Because if they're on the fence too long they get caught.

Why did the pervert cough when he was caught molesting a pony?

He was feeling a little horse.

How does Mulan's boyfriend explain himself when she caught him smoking pot?

Shanghai

What's the difference between a honda and a Porsche?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a Honda

This joke may have profanity.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

What did the chicken say after it's wings caught on fire?

Damn, I sure got some hot wings!"

What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common?

They were both caught with hands in their drawers.

What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?

It won't be long now...

What's the difference between a Porsche and a KIA?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a KIA.

Whats The difference between Stealing Cookies from a Jar and Child Molesting?

Ive only ever been caught stealing cookies.

What did the chinese guy tell the police when he was caught?

You got the Wong guy.

How do you catch a rabbit?

You hide in a field and make carrot noises.

How do you catch a steroidal fish?

With A-Rod.

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals?

Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

Why did the rooster get 20 years in prison?

He got caught on the internet, looking up chicks.

What happened when a whore house caught on fire?

Some came out running, others ran out coming.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you catch defish?

With debate.

What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...

How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he saw a dolphin caught in a net?

It's not a too-nah!"

What's the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo

When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

when his hand caught fire!!

Why didn't you stop at that red light?

Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

What are french journalists good at catching?

Bullets.

How do you catch King Kong?

Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did one tower say to the other?

I've got a plane to catch

What is the most popular game played by tornadoes?

Catch my drift

What did the sphinx say?

What did the sphinx say when he found out the pharaoh caught him up in a pyramid scheme Egypt me!

Why is fishing dangerous?

Sometimes, there's a catch

Why can you never get caught with a 0 in math?

because cot(0) doesn't exist ... This joke... it burns my eyes...

Why do people leave letters at the football ground ?

They want to catch the last goal-post !

What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver?

I'm at your service ma'am.

What did the south tower say to the north?

BRB man, I've got to catch a plane. Im soz.

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

Daisy Jokes More Daisy Jokes

Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin. They hatin. Patrollin and tryna catch me ridin dirty.

Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?

Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did the hipster say the day after thanksgiving?

I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

What's longer than most relationships these days?

This status.

Cold Jokes More Cold Jokes

What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common?

The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.

What has four legs and goes 'Boo'?

A cow with a cold.

Clickbait Jokes More Clickbait Jokes

How to avoid clickbait?

clearly, you wouldn't know...

What has 9 letters and makes everyone mad?

Clickbait

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

How does a SQL expert get a date?

getDate() (I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call a deaf dinosaur?

Anything you like - he can't hear you.

What is Jesus's go-to pickup line?

Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What did Picard say when Riker asked him what kind of Chinese food he wanted?

Make it Tso's Number One."

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you