Race Jokes

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

Why does Lichtenstien never lose a race?

Because nothing is faster then Liecht!

What's the same about Mexican and Black people?

Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal. (Sorry if you're offended, I love all races.)

What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?

The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

Why did they have to put Michael Jackson down?

Because he couldn't race anymore!

What did one fish say to the other during the race?

I'M GOING TILAPIA!!!

What do you call a bat in a hurry?

A racing club

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .

What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

we're walking four abreast."

How many black men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.

Why do Kenyans always win marathons?

At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-

What do you call an alligator that wins a race?

A chompion. (7-year old me thought he was very clever.)

Why hasn't Joe entered the race yet?

He's just Biden his time.

Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Who won the race?

Society.

Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race?

A. Because all his friends shout "GO-RILLA!"

Why should you never race with a guy from Finland?

Because they're already Finnish before the race even began

Why can't Sweden win a race?

Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

What does it take to finish a race?

More than a Holocaust

What do you call a race run by baristas?

A **decaf**alon

What race is the author of Charlotte's Web?

E B White

Why don't gelding horses like to race?

Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".

How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.

Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race?

He couldn't get a head.

Why can't mites race in NASCAR?

Because mites make rights, not lefts.

Why did the unicycle win the race?

Because the bicycle was two tired.

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?

An arms race.

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They we're tied!

What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

On your Marx, get set, go!"

What's it like to work in customer service/retail?

Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.

What does a Persistent Jedi do when he gets destroyed in a race?

An all day run

Why is horse racing so romantic?

Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!

Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race?

He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography

What does a color blind racist say?

I don't see color I see race

How do fireflies start a race ?

Ready steady glow !

Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?

He didn't know he had it in him.

Which cat won the race?

A: The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

Why did the Boston Marathon runner collapse before finishing the race?

WTF ) His thighs were burning too bad.

How do you get whole race to hate you?

Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)

Why did the fastest animal on earth got disqualified on the race?

Because it is using steroids.

Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?

Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet ...

Why are all those people running?

A: Why are all those people running B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running

How do all races end in the desert?

In a cacti!

Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it Joe: Three a policeman the owner of the watch and me!!

What colour T-shirt would win a race?

Red, because it runs the most.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?

It ended in a tie.

Why did the barber win the race?

He took a short cut.

Why didn’t the orange win the race?

It ran out of juice.

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