Time Machine Jokes

What do you call a Time Machine that can only travel to one location in time?

The RE-tardis

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Why do time machines make you happy?

They're an anti de-present.

What do we want now!?

When do we want 'em? Time machines!

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Them Jokes More Them Jokes

How many debutants can you fit in ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria?

OC Like, a cotillion of 'em.

What did the computer do with his overgrown gardens...?

Mowed 'em.

Twist Jokes More Twist Jokes

What did one tornado say to the other?

A. "Let's twist again like we did last summer...."

What do bad dancers have in common with Michael J Fox trying to use the soft serve ice cream machine?

They both have a hard time pulling off a twist.

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

What do a pregnant teenager, frozen beer, and a burned pizza have in common?

Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.

Why did the snowman pull down his pants?

Because he saw the snowblower coming

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What religion do mosquitoes follow?

Muslim, because they go to a mosque...ito. Sorry.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Sister Jokes More Sister Jokes

What does the hillbilly say when his sister is surprised?

Well it's the right hole naw!"

What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Load Jokes More Load Jokes

Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What are you going to be for Halloween dad?

me: Drunk 9: What's mom gonna be me: Mad

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What website do emo kids use for business networking?

LinkedIn Park

What's the difference between the Polish and polish?

No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you