Conductor Jokes

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

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What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks?

A conductor.

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor." Pffffffhehewheheheheheh.

Why are trains so energetic?

They have Conductors.

Which member felt the warmest?

The conductor.

What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?

Go Bach and get a Handel on it!

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.

Why couldn't they execute the railway worker with the electric chair?

He was too good a conductor

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

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What do you get when you put resistance on a stove?

Ohm on the range

What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

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Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

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How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida?

Was it my knees Do I have terrorist's knees Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then That's good.

Why won't the members of the Westboro Baptist Church drink whole milk?

Because it's Homo.

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Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry?

they have too many ohms to be good conductors.

How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?

He was a good conductor.

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Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

What do Beethoven's 9th and a dead baby have in common?

They're both D-composed.

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How many online courses are offered by the senior learning center?

None. They're old school.

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

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How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)

Why did the tadpole feel lonely ?

Because he was newt to the area !