Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much ?

The White Wizzer

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?

Because he has a magical staff.

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Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

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What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

Arrive Jokes More Arrive Jokes

What did the hipster astronaut say when his space mission arrived at the Sun?

Not cool.

What does a gang member do when he arrives at work first thing in the morning?

He Glocks in

Mordor Jokes More Mordor Jokes

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

Two Towers.

Hobbit Jokes More Hobbit Jokes

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

What do you call it when a hobbit lives in the ghetto?

Worcestershire

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on ?

A horse !

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

What do you call an Islamic cow?

A Mooslim

What happens when there are two Islamic terrorist identical brothers and one is way taller than the other?

The Twin Towers.

Syrian Jokes More Syrian Jokes

Why don't Syrian Refugees play baseball?

because they don't know where home is

What does a Syrian pirate say?

Allah AkbARRR

Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

Why did the boxer bring a bar of soap into the ring?

The referee said he wanted a clean fight. :D

What do LotR and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

Someone's ring gets broken.