Guitar Player Jokes

How do you get a guitar player to shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him

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Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player?

He kept trying to tune her G string.

How do you get the guitar player off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 . One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".

How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?

Give him sheet music.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

What do Catholics and guitar players have in common?

Neither of them practice.

What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume?

Give him the sheet music.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

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What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

What's furry on the outside.. Wet on the inside.. Starts with a C... Ends with a T... And has U &amp N in-between?

A coconut!

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Which part of your body shuts down last when you die?

The eyes, cause they di-late.

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

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How do you get a pool player off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

What country has the highest concentration of pool players?

Irack.

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What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A: A-cue-stick.

What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar?

An algorithm

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Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

Why did the man run around his bed?

Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of witch goes to the beach?

A: Sandwitch

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

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What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r?

Neighbor

What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?

Semtex.

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How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it?

A: Play the piano until you find the right key.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.