Lend Jokes

What did the poor composer say to his friend?

I am baroque, can you lend me some money?

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What is the best way to lose money?

A: Lend it to Greece.

What do you call it when you lend money to a bison?

A Buffa-Loan!

What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh?

Lend me your ears

What did the pope give up for lent?

His job.

Why shouldn't you lend a anthropologist money?

They consider a million years ago to be Recent.

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

Why can the Cornish always lend a hand?

They probably have a spare.

Who's there ! Celeste ! Celeste who ?

Celeste time I lend you money !

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Spare Jokes More Spare Jokes

Why does society think less of a man when he strikes a woman instead of sparing them?

Because a strike only requires one ball while a spare requires two balls

What do you get if you ask a bear to spare some of his salmon?

The Bear Glare.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How about Santa?

Ok but let's add something fierce so they are afraid to defy him

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree

Bite Jokes More Bite Jokes

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ?

A tiger moth !

What do you get when you're bitten by a mosquito wearing a fedora?

M'laria

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

What did the tool box say to the hammer?

Toolsie!

Greece Jokes More Greece Jokes

What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece! (courtesy of my ten year old)

What do people do in Greece?

Slip and slide around.

Mushroom Jokes More Mushroom Jokes

Why are mushrooms small?

Because there isn't mush-room.

What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys everyone a drink?

The fun guy

Van Gogh Jokes More Van Gogh Jokes

Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license?

He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.

Why did you cut off your ear?

Van Gogh: pardon

Consider Jokes More Consider Jokes

Why was King Tutenkhamen considered the best pharaoh in all of Egypt?

A: Because he always showed up in cuneiform.

What's the main thing a woman needs to think about when considering a potential boyfriend?

Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?