Oppose Jokes

What do you call a world leader who white people are opposed to?

Vladimir Gluten

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What economic theory opposes manscaping?

Laissez-fur!

How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?

Juan down, a million more to go.

How about a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.

Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity?

They're ape purists

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Captivity Jokes More Captivity Jokes

Why are beekeepers opposed to keeping gorillas in captivity?

They're ape purists

What do you call a loaf baked in a zoo?

Bread in captivity.

Government Jokes More Government Jokes

What do you call a chicken takeover of the government?

A coop.

What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

China Jokes More China Jokes

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China.

Why are there no stray dogs in China?

Have you heard of stray chickens

Beach Jokes More Beach Jokes

Why did the wave fail the driving test?

It kept crashing on the beach.

What do you call a woman rolling around on a beach?

Sandy

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm ... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1. I'll show myself out now.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?

Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

Where can you find the best Black Friday deals with items at 100% off?

Ferguson!

Gorilla Jokes More Gorilla Jokes

What does a Gorilla learn first in school?

The Apey-cees!

What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What do people and pizza have in common?

If they're black, they can't feed a family.

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.