Government Jokes

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What do you call the 'n' in government?

CryptoN Only few will get this

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What do you call a snake that works in the government?

A civil serpent

Why is the oval office oval shaped?

Because the government cuts corners.

What type of government would a nation ran by Alvin and the Chipmunks be called?

A theocracy.

How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?

You Sioux them.

What do you call a group of spoiled children?

The government

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government?

Only one of them is organized.

What do you call a chicken takeover of the government?

A coop.

How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder?

Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends.

What kind of cancer always stands by the government?

Pro-state cancer.

Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?

Strippers don't rig their polls.

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Why do you call the US government when a blizzard of secret information gets released?

They're snowed-en!

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

Why does government matter?

It doesn't.

What functions worse than the US Government?

A Greek Bank.

What do you call a spider that wants to overthrow the government?

An anarchid.

What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government?

Formed a coustic d'tat

What do you call a government consisted of burglars?

A thiefdom.

What branch of government actually listens to the people?

What branch of government actually listens to the people?

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

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What kind of government does Disney World have?

A plutocracy

What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

The government actually wanted to stop Polio.

What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

What do you call a fish who works for the government?

An Official.

What do you call it when a bunch of stoned poets overthrow the government?

A Haiku.

What do a redneck and hippie have in common?

They both hate the government.

Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis?

Nobody in the government does their job.

What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

A: One of them is organized.

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What's the difference between abortion and terrorism?

Terrorism is funded by the US government!

This joke may have profanity.

What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?

gets arrested*

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

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Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

Sioux Jokes More Sioux Jokes

Who is second in command in the kitchen at a Native American owned restaurant?

The Sioux chef

How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?

You Sioux them.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit.

What qualifies you to be a ninja?

Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That's pr--*thump*

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the accountant cross the road?

Because that's what they did last year.

What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road?

Rust-in-peace.

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of retards in a sauna?

Steamed vegetables.

What do you call a group of sorority girls/fraternity guys standing in a circle?

A round of applause ...because they all have the clap.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke?

Three times - Once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when she gets it.

What do women and floor tiles have in common?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.

Chipmunk Jokes More Chipmunk Jokes

Where are a squirrel and a chipmunk most likely to meet?

A nut house.

What type of government would a nation ran by Alvin and the Chipmunks be called?

A theocracy.

Land Jokes More Land Jokes

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

Why is Peter Pan always flying around?

Because he can never never land