Pause Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

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What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

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Suit Jokes More Suit Jokes

What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?

Suit yourself.

What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree?

Branch Manager

President Jokes More President Jokes

What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?

You'll never be president, Jeb.

How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Why is there a strange baby in the crib?

Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs?

It's a baby, not a stash of heroin.

Long Pause Jokes More Long Pause Jokes

Which president was famous for his long pauses?

Ellipsis S. Grant.

Why the long pause?

asks the bartender. The bear replies "Well, I am a bear"

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?

Fowl play !

What did the lesbian rattlesnake say to Hillary after they finished making love?

You know, they're right . . . we do taste like chicken!"

Clause Jokes More Clause Jokes

Why was Mrs. Clause's stocking full on December 21st?

Because Santa came early this year.

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

Pub Jokes More Pub Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

What do you call Irish sunscreen?

A pub.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What are some towing related jokes i can impress my car club coworkers with?

I've already got that the frog called our car club to get toad, but that's about where my puns end.

What did one strand of yarn say to the other?

I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up. "Ball up..."