Pause Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

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What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

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Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What's so funny?

asks the dermatologist. "Sorry, it's a inside joke." replies the surgeon.

Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?

Same as now - in photos and mirrors," I replied

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid?

A: When the other tenors notice.

How can you tell if someone with parkinsons has hypothermia?

You can't. That's what makes it so funny.

Chipotle Jokes More Chipotle Jokes

What do they call Chipotle in Canada?

Chipotl-eh

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Guacamole Jokes More Guacamole Jokes

What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados?

GuacaMole!

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022x1023 pieces?

Guacamole.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

What movie aspect ratio do cats prefer?

Litterbox.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why don't men install urinals in their houses?

Their wives just wouldn't stand for it :)

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

Why are fish easy to weigh?

Because they have their own scales.

What's the difference between a Palestinian woman and a Mackerel?

One is greasy with big eyes. The other's a fish.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

Where does a dog go to buy shoes?

Reebark