Press Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?

He was soda pressed.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

How many words does it take to start a car?

Forwards

French Press Jokes More French Press Jokes

Why do Muslim extremists prefer to drink cappuccino?

Because they hate french press.

Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

Because they hate French Press!

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans" ;)

What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

What does a noise musician order at a Chinese restaurant?

Peaking duck!

Why can't some people help being born Chinese?

Because there's nothing wong with it.

Act Jokes More Act Jokes

What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?

Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

Who threw that?

Gary, was that you Don't act innocent, I know you download music illegally.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?

A: He wanted to sing higher!