Selfie Jokes

What do you call a theme park where people go to have selfies with chickens?

Pout-ry farm..

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Why is the iPhone 6 the coolest smart phone around?

Carry it around in your pocket for a while and it'll be on every selfie you take.

What's it called when an isis member takes a selfie?

photo bombing

What do you call an egotistical anorexic?

A selfie stick.

What do selfies make me want to do?

Shoot myself

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

What does cheese say to itself when taking a selfie in the mirror?

Hallooooo me!

Which came first. . . social media or dumb people?

AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language

What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls?

Parker gets paid for his selfies.

What do you call something that you do to your self with one hand?

A Selfie!

Where are the humans?

We left them" AL: Why "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"

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What do you call a fish that takes a selfie?

Selfish

Why do you look surprised in all your selfies?

Didn't you know you were taking the picture

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What is the only bent straight line?

Its one direction of course.

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What did Plaxico Burress say when he read Colin Kaepernick's Tweets?

Man, this guy just keeps shooting himself in the foot".

Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?

A: Because Donald ducked.

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why are people afraid to play poker in Africa?

Too many Cheetahs.

How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup?

Brazilians!

Sir Jokes More Sir Jokes

What is skeleton?

Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?

Sir.

Al Jokes More Al Jokes

Where are the humans?

We left them" AL: Why "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"

Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop?

Cause it got al dente'd up!

Mirror Jokes More Mirror Jokes

How do you react when looking in the mirror?

You cry because you shoved a cactus up your peckar.

What happens if you put a mirror in a garage?

A mirage!

Selfie Stick Jokes More Selfie Stick Jokes

How much for the selfie stick?

Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it.

What do you call an egotistical anorexic?

A selfie stick.