Zombie Apocalypse Jokes

Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse?

The living room.

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Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?

Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

What do you call a disabled person during a zombie apocalypse?

Meals on wheels...

Why is a sorority the safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse?

Because they're looking for braaaaaaaaaains

What does a gamer call the zombie apocalypse?

The end of DayZ

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What do you call a pro-gamer?

An ath1337

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What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!

What's black &amp grey and also looks good on a cop?

The World Trade Center

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The edge of a cliff, you are guaranteed she will push back!

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The mirror

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How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

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Where's the safest place to hide money from a man?

Under the soap

Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake?

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Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes?

Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate.

Why do proctologists like Facebook?

It's another chance to look up old friends.

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What starts with "M" ends with "arriage" and recently made me the happiest man on earth?

Miscarriage

Why do Kenyans always win marathons?

At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-