Zombie Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Where did the zombie go on his night out?

To the st club.

What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?

GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the zombie say at the urinal?

I'm reliving myself.

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a mantic** time.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

When the zombies want Twisties! take a look on this zombies viral video, serious feedback please :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=vdRiMBPbQ8

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What do you call memories of zombies?

FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Who are the most intelligent monsters?

Zombies (because, Braiiiiiiins!!!)

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good :)

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

What do you call a zombie that runs fast?

A zoombie.

What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?

Then I can bang other chicks "

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

You might also enjoy:

Enter Jokes More Enter Jokes

Why so down?

Aquaman: People think I'm not a real superhero. I'm tired of being walked all over. *Jesus enters Aquaman: Dammit!

What gets louder if you enter it from one end, but quieter if you enter it from the other?

A howler monkey.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What did the executioner say to the prisoner?

Hang on a minute."

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?

He wanted to improve his bite.

Decompose Jokes More Decompose Jokes

What did Beethoven do when he died?

Decompose.

What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

Safe Place Jokes More Safe Place Jokes

Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake?

A: a hot air balloon #JonsSafetyTips #Safety #safetyTip #EarthquakeSafetyFacts

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

Row Jokes More Row Jokes

How does a one armed man row a boat?

In a circle.

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ?

He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why does flint never get any likes on their Instagram pictures?

Cause they don't use a filter.

How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

Zombie Apocalypse Jokes More Zombie Apocalypse Jokes

Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse?

The living room.

Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?

Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.