Zombie Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Where did the zombie go on his night out?

To the st club.

What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?

GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS

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What did the zombie say at the urinal?

I'm reliving myself.

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a mantic** time.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

When the zombies want Twisties! take a look on this zombies viral video, serious feedback please :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=vdRiMBPbQ8

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What do you call memories of zombies?

FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Who are the most intelligent monsters?

Zombies (because, Braiiiiiiins!!!)

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good :)

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

What do you call a zombie that runs fast?

A zoombie.

What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?

Then I can bang other chicks "

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

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Zombie Apocalypse Jokes More Zombie Apocalypse Jokes

What does a gamer call the zombie apocalypse?

The end of DayZ

Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?

Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What's the last thing you want to hear right after you get done blowing Willie Nelson?

I ain't Willie Nelson."

Where were you wanting to go ?

then not go, then go, then not go, then get bored and juggle

Enter Jokes More Enter Jokes

What's that one room zombies can never enter?

the LIVING room

How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room?

Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)

Brian Jokes More Brian Jokes

Where's Brian?

Me: studying her closely He's... right here

What's the craic?

2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

What do Egyptian kings sing on their birthday?

For he's a jolly good Pharaoh. Was that bad Ye, pharaoh-nuff

What do Scottish owls sing?

Owld Lang Syne.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How does every black joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first?

So you can see the look on its face. How do you get said baby out of the blender? Tortilla chips.

Row Jokes More Row Jokes

What about my atm card which holds all my money?

Any 4 numbers in a row."

Why don't black pitchers throw three strikeout in a row?

Because they don't believe in the KKK

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of sandwich is this?

She asks. "It cheese ma."

What kind of shoes does a thief wear?

Sneakers