Standard Jokes

Whats the difference between a USB and the USA?

One has standards.

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How much does a Polar Bear weigh?

Enough to lower your standards, I'm moonsoutgoonsout

Why did the banjo player get into heaven?

The devil has standards.

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine?

Because he found it to be SUB-standard.

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

What do you like about me?

Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What Me: Your eyes

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Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common?

Cold turkey

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Access Jokes More Access Jokes

What do a stoner lost in the desert and Bolivia have in common?

They're both really high and have no access to water.

Why should every woman know a C++ programmer?

Because they'll always let friends access their private members. Ba dum tiss.

Step Jokes More Step Jokes

What goes cluck, cluck, cluck, boom?

A chicken stepping on a landmine.

What happened to you?

the doctor asks. "I stepped on something."

Device Jokes More Device Jokes

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

What device does Mario use to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?

Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?

What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive?

Sad Dan

Review Jokes More Review Jokes

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

Why did the researcher take his paper to the harbour?

To get it pier reviewed.

Taipei Personality Jokes More Taipei Personality Jokes

Why was the Taiwanese business man so stressed out?

Because he had a Taipei personality.

Why do Taiwanese students always do so well on their standardized tests?

They've got a Taipei personality

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Why are you here?

And Elsa answers: "Because they don't let me go."

What did the cat say to the correctional officer?

Let MEOWWWWWOUT!!