Tourist Jokes

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Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?

They prevented hispanic attacks

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Why the tourists feel so happy driving by Taj Mahal?

Because they're going via Agra!

What do you call a smart guy in US?

A tourist.

What do you call a good looking girl in Wisconsin?

A Tourist!

What do you call a smart person in America?

A tourist.

What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?

A tourist.

What did David say when the tourist tried to touch him?

Don't touch my marbles.

What's the difference between terrorists and tourists?

Terrorists have sympathizers.

Why do tourists always take pictures in Paris?

Because the tower is an Eiffel.

What do you call a woman in the living room?

A tourist.

What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston?

A tourist.

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What do you call hot women in France?

Tourists

How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

What do you call a hot girl in Germany ?

Tourist

What do you call an intelligent man in America?

A tourist.

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?

A tourist.

What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?

A tourist.

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How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

What do you call a smart guy in US?

A tourist.

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What's the difference between terrorists and tourists?

Terrorists have sympathizers.

What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?

A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

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What do you call a noisy Chinese dog?

How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)

Why is Chinese the best language?

It has the most character.

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How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.

What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

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What are these clothes on the floor?

A dead Jedi" I replied

Where do fashionable kids with cancer like to shop for clothes?

Never 21

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Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?

Santa Claws

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Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff?

She had mittens on.

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Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?

They're both crushed-asians