Undertaker Jokes

What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift?

His and Hearse towels

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

What is an Undertaker's favorite element?

Barium.

Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

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Draft Jokes More Draft Jokes

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army?

To avoid the draft!

English Jokes More English Jokes

What's an English teacher's favourite cereal?

Synonym Grahams

What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety?

Past tense.

Provide Jokes More Provide Jokes

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

How many calls do I get?

cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

Dead Giveaway Jokes More Dead Giveaway Jokes

Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

Why don't you have to pay for the items on a will?

It's a dead giveaway...

Military Jokes More Military Jokes

What branch of the military are horses in?

The NaaaaayyyVY

Why can't a soldier look wistfully across the horizon?

Because there are no gaze in the military

Hearse Jokes More Hearse Jokes

What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say?

His and Hearse.

How much power does a hearse have?

1 corpsepower

Rehearse Jokes More Rehearse Jokes

Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

English Language Jokes More English Language Jokes

What is the longest sentence in the English language?

I do."

What are the two saddest words of the English Language?

What party '