Bacteria Jokes

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

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What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Why do bacteria congregate in public places?

It's a part of their culture.

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

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Where do the bacteria gangsters hang out?

On the Yeast Side.

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Chipotle Jokes More Chipotle Jokes

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

What do I look for in a girl?

Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why did the sweet scented man called Paul change his name to Saul?

He liked the P, but preferred the essence the change.

Where we going?

Will there be food Why do I have to die Why didn't you like my last pic ..

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead gorilla?

There aren't any dead babies at the Cincinnati Zoo.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving?

So he can cut corners.

What would be a good dating site for rednecks ?

MyHeritage.com

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers?

Coop d'etah

What do you call a group of crows?

The end of season 5.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?

He was a card shark!

Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?

Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.

Germany Jokes More Germany Jokes

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How are old jokes on reddit like a herpes outbreak?

You know they are going to keep coming back, and despite the fact they are weaker each time, you still don't look forward to them.

What are you looking for!?

Just-ice!"