Caesar Jokes

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

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How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?"

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

What did Caesar say when was in agreement?

I came. I saw. I concurred.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.

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What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

When did Caesar reign ?

I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him

Who's there ! Caesar ! Caesar who ?

Caesar quickly before she gets away !

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

Can someone get me some dry socks "

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

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How do you go about hiring a horse?

Try two pairs of stilts!

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

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What do call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph. Because they're a short es.

Why is a Mexican midget called a paragraph?

Because he isn't a full ese.

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What does a 1337 pirate call his friends?

M80

Why couldn't Joe be friends with a double-amputee?

Because he's lack-toes intolerant.

Chicken Caesar Jokes More Chicken Caesar Jokes

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?

A Chicken Caesar salad

Split Jokes More Split Jokes

What do you get when you combine an elephant and a poodle?

A dead poodle, split in half.

What did the duck say after it split the atom ?

Quark ! Quark !

Stare Jokes More Stare Jokes

What do mathematicians get if they stare at the roots of negative numbers for too long?

Square eyes

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why did the door to door sales man get nervous and run away?

He was selling In-Security Heh yeah i dunno i thought it up in a dream and I'm still half asleep bye

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half.

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What did they stamp on the Asian baby as he came out of his mother's womb?

Made in Va-China.

Why did the snowman pull down his pants?

Because he saw the snowblower coming