Caesar Jokes

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

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How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?"

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

What did Caesar say when was in agreement?

I came. I saw. I concurred.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.

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What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

When did Caesar reign ?

I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him

Who's there ! Caesar ! Caesar who ?

Caesar quickly before she gets away !

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

Can someone get me some dry socks "

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

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She kept running away from the ball

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What does a half-dressed Sikh wear on his head?

A subturban!

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

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Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

How do you make a chicken salad?

Make a salad and give it to a chicken.

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How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, because How Can Light Be Real If Our Eyes Arent Real?

Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator?

He didn't want to see the salad dressing.

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What do you call someone who discriminates against paintings?

An artist. My 11 year son just came up with this one.

What came after the stone age and the bronze age?

Pupil: The sausage!

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How did the Hispanic secret agent introduce himself?

Bondo. Jaime Bondo.

Why are Hispanic dwarves called Paragraphs?

They're too short to be called Essays.

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Why are Americans so bad at MOBA games (League of Legends, Dota, Heroes of the storm, etc.)?

They can't defend towers.

What do clouds wear during a storm?

Thunderwear

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Why was Cleopatra so negative?

Because she was queen of denial.

Who should of gotten asphalt?

Cleopatra.