Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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Build Jokes More Build Jokes

Why did the Romans build straight roads ?

So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !

What's the highest story of any building?

Floor 20

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

The hippie carrying it. What's dumber than that? The yuppie buying it. What's dumber than that? The box of rocks

Shelf Jokes More Shelf Jokes

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

Where did the spoiled milk sit?

On the top shelf. Where did the chocolate milk sit In the back.

Clock Jokes More Clock Jokes

Why don't women need watches?

There's a clock on the stove.

What do clocks do when they're still hungry after a meal?

They go back four seconds.

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How did the Bohemian pay?

Just a Check

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

City Jokes More City Jokes

What city will Leo Dicaprio never visit ?

Osaka.

How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management?

They hold a runoff election.

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What is the only bent straight line?

Its one direction of course.

How do inmates pay for things in prison?

With ConCurrency, of course.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day?

St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.

Why did Ahmed take his clock to school?

He wanted to see time fly