Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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Ban Jokes More Ban Jokes

Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital?

He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)

Why are Wayne and Garth banned from playgrounds?

They hog the Schwing set.

Lubricant Jokes More Lubricant Jokes

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant

What do you do if your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and use lubricant.

Hush Puppy Jokes More Hush Puppy Jokes

What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets?

hush puppies

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones ?

Hush puppies !

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why don't feminists carry handguns?

Because of the triggers. I'm sorry

How does an elephant climb a tree?

A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.

Non Friction Section Jokes More Non Friction Section Jokes

Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?

A: Because she was in the non-friction section.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

What's the difference between a gun and a wife?

You can silence a gun.

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

Librarian Jokes More Librarian Jokes

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

What did the librarian say to the travel agent?

Find what you're booking for

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What do you call someone who belongs in the kitchen?

A Chef of course...

How do you like it?

Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt Get outta the gutter pervs