Million Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the other side. I called you a million times.

How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?

Walk in with $2 Million.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night?

Take away their beds...

What has a million legs but can't walk?

Jerry's Kids.

What's a holocaust?

And I reply "Oh, about eleven million"

What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?

Juan down, a million more to go.

How many zeros in one million?

Six" "Ok, thanks" *writes milli000000n*

What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?

Imagine all the people..

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What has a million and one legs but still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

How many reps would you usually do?

he asked. "A million," I rep lied.

What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What will you do with a million watermelons?

I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program

the rest of them will write Perl

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Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

What made the insomniac so boring?

He just wasn't into resting.

Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest?

They're always eager for more on their pate.

Garage Jokes More Garage Jokes

What do you call a bee in the garage?

Garbage.

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a convertable?

I keep one in my garage and one in my closet. Edit:typo.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What word starts with F and ends with UCK?

Firetruck

How is Islam like a GPS?

You may think you're on the right path, but if you follow it literally, you'll end up crashing into a building.

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What do you call a pile of dogs?

A ruff terrain.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?

I take my boots off to jump on the trampoline.

Sean Murray Jokes More Sean Murray Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

What is Sean Murray's favorite song ?

The sound of silence

Adele Jokes More Adele Jokes

Why did Adele cross the road??

To say hello from the other side.

What did Adele say when asked where her dog is?

Groomer has it

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many out of date redditers does it take to change a light bulb?

OVER 9000

When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T&gt1?

Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor

Fertilize Jokes More Fertilize Jokes

How does a blond like her eggs in the morning?

fertilized"

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?

Because they won't stop to ask directions.