Morning Jokes

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!"

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do cats read in the morning ?

Mewspapers !

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?

A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

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Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10?

I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"

What scratches the window before it explodes?

A baby in a microwave

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman?

She would need to reJennerate some balls. What does Caitlyn Jenner do before she goes out Bruce's up for the evening.

What happens to all the unsold christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every christmas tree salesperson does the trees

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What did the cat say to the correctional officer?

Let MEOWWWWWOUT!!

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

Wrong Sock Jokes More Wrong Sock Jokes

Why did my sperm cross the road?

Because my wife wore the wrong socks.

Why'd the seaman cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong sock that day.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

9 polar bears (joke on a mug at work. lame, ik)

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

Lumberjack Jokes More Lumberjack Jokes

What do you call a theft by a stumbling person?

A lumberjack.

What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink?

A lager

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do you call a walking talking rat?

Keemstar

What do you call a smug prisoner walking down stairs?

A condescending con descending

Sperm Jokes More Sperm Jokes

What is the theory behind Brownian motion of sperms?

It's testicle physics.

What did the sperm say to the egg?

Nice to meet you. Wanna make a baby?