Pumpkin Jokes

What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?

Awaken, my pump- "

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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

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Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

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How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

Why is stupid monster like a jack-o'-lantern?

They both have empty heads.

Astronomy Jokes More Astronomy Jokes

What's the difference between astronomy and gastronomy?

Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.

What do you get when you cross astronomy and cosmology with a dyslexic girl at starbucks?

Astrology, cosmetology, and a pumpkin space latte

Knife Jokes More Knife Jokes

What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

Why did the chicken cross the road with a knife?

Because it saw Lena Dunham on the other side.

Pumpkin Patch Jokes More Pumpkin Patch Jokes

How do you fix a Jack O Latern?

With a pumpkin patch!

How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

How do you tell a domesticated cat from a wild one?

The domesticated doesnt have balls

How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside times square on new years?

Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!

Coach Jokes More Coach Jokes

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 15 black guys?

Coach.

Halloweenie Jokes More Halloweenie Jokes

Why didn't the ghost have any children?

Because he had a Halloweenie!

Why can't Casper have kids?

Cause he has a Halloweenie

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip. Happy Halloween :)

Why doesn't India celebrate halloween?

No Gandhi