Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.

What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?

Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

What do 9 out of 10 people agree on?

A gangbang

This joke may have profanity.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What did the nudist criminal say when he agreed to a criminal plan?

I'm in, but I'm not decent."

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?

Because he didn't feel well.

Service Jokes More Service Jokes

What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.

Violet Jokes More Violet Jokes

What do you find at an end of the rainbow?

Violet

What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ?

Robbery with violets !

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What do Chick-O-Sticks and armadillos have in common?

Every time you see one, it's already been broken in half.

Why did the bishop love Walmart?

Coz the boys pants are all half off.

Judge Jokes More Judge Jokes

What do you call a judge that doesn't have any fingers?

Justice Thumbs

Why are doctors sued for malpractice at the beach?

A: Because they are judged by a jury of their piers.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a large group of people who spit on others?

The Salivation Army.

What was Camelot ?

A place where people parked their camels !

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the only thing in the world that's bigger than a Samoan man?

His wife.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's head?

A bullet.

Christians Jokes More Christians Jokes

What is a Christians Favorite Insect?

The Praying Mantis

How many christians does it take to change a lightbulb?

three, but they're really one