Alarm Jokes

How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?

Alarmed.

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Why does John Cena set his alarm at 1:59?

So he can kick out at 2.

How do alien hunters keep from oversleeping?

They SETI their alarm-y

How much does Nicki Minaj sell security devices for?

Pound an alarm

How do you know you're getting old?

When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?

A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.

Why did the alarm go off at the mansion?

Because the owner entered the correct code.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

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Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

Why do pills bottles have cotton in them?

So they can remind black people the picked cotton before they sold drugs.

What do old cars and dead chickens have in common?

You'll usually get more money for them if you sell them for parts

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What do you call the feeling of being a tortured insect?

Antagony

What's better, Star Wars or Star Trek?

Answer: Knowing what intimacy with another living human being feels like.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?

So he wouldn't talk in his sleep

What's a narcoleptics favorite game?

Hide and go sleep.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What should a teacher take if he's run down?

The number of the car that hit him.

Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer?

Because you said it was pound cake!

Y Jokes More Y Jokes

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What do bees do if they want to use public transport ?

Wait at a buzz stop !

What animal is two animals at the same time?

The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What's a sheep's favourite band?

Ewe 2

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na :D

800 Jokes More 800 Jokes

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!