Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Atm Machine Jokes More Atm Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus like M&amp?

Ms? They keep falling through. If that's not offensive enough, replace it with black Jesus and skittles.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

Surrey Jokes More Surrey Jokes

What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?

When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.

What river separates China and India?

Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

Atm Jokes More Atm Jokes

What do a Feminist and a Broken ATM have in Common?

They both can't make any change

Why did the Baker keep going to the ATM?

He kneaded the dough

Blond Jokes More Blond Jokes

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

What does a Blond do every Sunday?

Swallow Jesus.

Good Machine Jokes More Good Machine Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

What's the best machine I can use?

The trainer responds, "The ATM"

Vend Jokes More Vend Jokes

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What does Jim Jones and Saitama have in common?

They both take out everyone with just one punch.