Scotsman Jokes

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What do you call a Scotsman with gas after a dodgy curry?

Bravefart

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

x-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

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How can you tell if someone is a pilot?

They'll just tell you.

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?

Tell her a joke on a Monday!

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

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What gas is best dressed at a dinner party?

Formaldehyde

What has ten letters and starts with gas?

flatulence"

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What's the difference between a black person and a bicycle tire?

The bicycle tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What does Spock sing in the shower?

What does Spock sing in the shower? I'll stop the world and meld with you!

Mcdonald Jokes More Mcdonald Jokes

Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

How Do You Tell 2 Scottsmen Apart?

A: You lift their kilts, and whichever one has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!!

Offa Jokes More Offa Jokes

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

Rip Jokes More Rip Jokes

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Hey Jokes More Hey Jokes

How do you sell chicken to a deaf man?

A: HEY, YOU WANNA BUY SOME CHICKEN !!!!!!!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."