Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so."

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!

How can you tell if a 14 year old smokes weed?

Just wait. They'll tell you.

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How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside times square on new years?

Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!

What city would you be in if you dropped your waffle on the beach?

Sandy ego.

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What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining after it lands

What's the difference between a battery and a women?

The Battery has a positive side.

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What's Jacob Sartorius' Favourite Anime?

Bleach.

What's the difference between Naruto and Bleach?

No one ever told me to drink Naruto

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had her.

What happens when Jack is angry with his beans?

Jack and the beans talk

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How is credit like cocaine?

Everyone just needs 1 more line.

What is the difference between a 2 year old and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

Eric Clapton Jokes More Eric Clapton Jokes

What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?

Threw his baby out the window.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four-year old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!