Addict Jokes

Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?

They don't like getting sand in their crack.

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What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

Which country has a drug-addicted king?

Hyrule.

What's the most popular religion for addicts?

the Crystal Methodists

What do you call someone addicted to both crack and weed?

A rockin' roller.

Why should you tell bad jokes to cocaine addicts?

Because they'll crack up anyways

Who is the favorite author of someone addicted to ecstasy?

Steven King. JK Rowling.

What's a joke that you invented?

Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

Whats the best thing about being addicted to speed?

Only one more sleep until Christmas!

Why was drug addicted Moses upset when he was floating down a river?

because he was in Da-Nile

Why did Mr. Pibb go see Dr. Pepper at Rehab?

Because he was addicted to Coke.

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What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

What did the power ranger-turned-addict say?

It's morphine time!

What do you call a drug-addicted vampire?

Crackula

What do you call a drug-addicted canine?

A meth lab!

How are dogs and addicts similar?

They both have PAWS

What do you call a drug-addicted duck?

A quackhead.

Why do people get addicted to meth?

Because they didn't think of the aftermeth.

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

What did the drug test say to the addict?

URINE TROUBLE!"

What do crack addicts sing while caroling?

All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

What do you call a duck addicted to crack?

A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.

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Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

What has two holes and smells a lot?

Your nose

What tastes good but doesn't smell good?

A tongue. Hehe

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.

What's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth?

You can't gargle with the sand.

Liner Jokes More Liner Jokes

Who just can't get enough of one liners?

Coke addicts.

What's funnier than a one liner?

A two liner.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia?

Because he was a dirty double crosser.

How is prison like quidditch?

The game ends when they catch the snitch

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How do blonde braincells die?

Alone.

Why do artists die early in life?

Too many strokes.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

One has a job.

Drug Jokes More Drug Jokes

Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

What do you call a lizard on drugs?

A mariguana.

Ted Jokes More Ted Jokes

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.