Exercise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

How often do you exercise?

About 3 to 4 times a week. "Be honest." 2003.

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Just for the halibut.

What do you call Wolverine post-op?

An x-man.

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What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of Coke?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo fall out of a window

What do you call a coked-up Iron Man?

Steel Man.

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How bad is it?

John: "How bad is what "

Whats with the wheel on your john?

the pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why was the fish swimming alone?

Because he left the school.

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What do you call an exercise group run by Jesus Christ?

Crossfit.

What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL

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Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

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What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days ?

One is a weak one and the other one week !

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What do you call a obese fortune teller?

A fortune teller, you FPHer!!!

What do programmers and obese people have in common?

They both call an 8-course meal a bite.