Exercise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

How often do you exercise?

About 3 to 4 times a week. "Be honest." 2003.

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How do epileptics greet people?

They shake.

What two things should people stop shaking because shaking hurts these things development?

Polaroid Integral Film and Babies

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What is the fakest part of Skyrim?

The fact that red guards can swim.

What do you call a Skyrim fan that is good at CSGO?

Nova'kiin

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Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam?

He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics.

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

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What's black and red, flashes like hell and annoys men?

Live Jasmine

Who is the only man to record more knock outs than Mike Tyson?

Bill Cosby

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Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Squat Jokes More Squat Jokes

How does a Tyrannosaurus Rex scratch it's junk?

It squats down on a Triceratops.

How does a Space Marine from Warhammer 40K get fit?

By doing Squats.

Line Jokes More Line Jokes

Why do French tanks have review mirrors?

Because they want to see the front line too

Why was the illegal immigrant so offensive?

Because he crossed the line

Weightlifter Jokes More Weightlifter Jokes

Where do weightlifters get their sandwiches?

Subwhey.

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.