Soda Jokes

Why did the can-crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.

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Where do dancers put their empty sodas?

In the can-can can can.

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

What do you call a dream about soda?

a fanta sea

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

Which state is actually a tiny soft drink?

mini-soda.

Why did the Dictator ban Soda?

Because there couldnt be 2-liters.

What do you call it when you drown a baby in soda?

Infantacide

What US State has the smallest soft drinks?

Mini-Soda (Minnesota) Such a bad joke... :/

What's a joke that you invented?

Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

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Why does the can crusher hate his job?

Because it's soda pressing.

What do they call soda in Rome?

Pope.

How does Tom Brady like his soda?

Flat.

How do you make a dog float?

Take two scoops of ice cream a couple of squirts of soda and a small dog.

What do you call a soda in love?

A Crush

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

What kind of Pop do you cook with?

Baking Soda

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ?

Bike carbonate of soda !

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

How many cans of soda can a soda can can if a soda can can can cans?

No one can ever know P.S. are these type of tongue twister jokes allowed here If not i will happily remove it.

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

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Coke Jokes More Coke Jokes

Why do Kenyans always win marathons?

At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-

Why did Mr. Pibb go see Dr. Pepper at Rehab?

Because he was addicted to Coke.

Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

An ex-boxer.

Why did Jesus quit playing ice hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

They're short 2 towers.

How are a full count in baseball and a mutated 2 time convict the same?

They both have 3 balls and 2 strikes.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What does Putin say during his new years speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink "

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What do "fake news" and isis have in common?

They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed

Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?

So he could roll down the window when it gets too hot. How we joke in Kurdistan

Allahu Snackbar Jokes More Allahu Snackbar Jokes

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

Where does a Muslim go for a quick bite?

Allahu Snackbar!

P.S. Jokes More P.S. Jokes

What do you call cute seeds?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwmonds P.S. it's my birthday please love me

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one :3

Vend Machine Jokes More Vend Machine Jokes

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.