Gift Jokes

What should you not gift a Syrian this year?

A drone

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids?

Because it'd Krampus style.

What did the bald man say when he got a comb as a gift?

I'll never part with this!

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

Why are Pentacostals so good at kissing?

They have the gift of tongues...

What's the gift that keeps on giving?

AIDS

Where do black parents get gifts for their children?

At Toys We Is

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

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What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?

Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.

What do gifted bakers take in high school?

AP Flour

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

What do you give a kid with no hands for Christmas?

Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift

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Word Jokes More Word Jokes

Why should you never get into an argument with a dictionary?

Because they'll always have the last word.

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Whats th first joke you remember hearing or that you told as a kid?

Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

when you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do blondes smile when it's lightning?

A. Because, they think they are having their picture taken.

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

Samsung Note Jokes More Samsung Note Jokes

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?

Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.

7 Jokes More 7 Jokes

What's small and got 7 dents in it?

Snow White's cherry

What has 8 legs and 7 arms?

Def Leppard

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did Goku want to be when he was growing up?

a SAIYANtist!

Why was the chessmaster interested in foreign women?

A: He wanted a Czech mate.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

What did Jay-Z call his wife-to-be?

Feyonce.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

Why was it easier for the whistleblower to leave American soil earlier in the year?

It didn't Snowden.